i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
They took my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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