I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
