So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
