So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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