i may or may not be watching the land before time
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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