She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
