I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
