I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
