my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
