Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We're too hungover to prance.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
