Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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