Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
