sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
