I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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