I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
