i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
