I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
