So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
