if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
