you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
