I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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