I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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