The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
