I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
