don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
