i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
