Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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