it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
