Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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