Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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