She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
