So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I need to sanitize my soul.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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