I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
