That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
