We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
