i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
