if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
