I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize