My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
