so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
