She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
