I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
