I like my sex mixed with concussions.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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