Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I touched a dick in church today
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
