I need to stop coming to work sober
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
