And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
