You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
