first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
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I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
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there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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