u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
