I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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