I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
