3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
