I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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