Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Sorry my hands just texted you
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
