My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
