That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
