peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize