Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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