I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
he just fucked me for my cheese..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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