I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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