Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The chlamydia really affected his face.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
