im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
