Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
