This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
