how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
