I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
